This has been on my mind for a while. . .

Don't you just LOVE it when people (some who know you, others who don't) give their opinion on what you should be doing with your life? For example, nothing gives me more joy (insert sarcastic tone hear) than to have someone belittle my "job" (even those quotation marks are sarcastic) as a stay-at-home mom. Even though I know better, their words have a way of making me feel as if I'm doing something wrong.

First, a little background story...

Now, I know that I didn't plan my life out in the way that society sees fit, you know, by graduating high school, then finishing college within 4 years, then finding love and marriage, and then having a baby. Instead, God placed the sweetest man I know into my life as a teen. I married at the very young age of 19 years old. I didn't marry for money, or lust, or to rebel against my parents. I didn't marry because all of my friends were doing it or to fit in. I married because I knew that we have something rare...we have love. My marriage, to me, is my greatest accomplishment. I feel I have been successful at my life already because I'm lucky enough to be blessed by my amazing God with this wonderful, honest, hard-working, loving man.

So, obviously my "life-plan" changed a little. I still had the desire to finish school but I had one small problem...I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life as far as a career goes. I believe I've changed my major 4 times before finally settling on getting my Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Ed (which is still in progress, but I'll get to that in a sec). JR and I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by such an awesome , loving, and caring family who have been there and supported us just about every step of the way.

Not long after celebrating our 1 year anniversary, I was still in school and working at a daycare center in Nacogdoches. Things were going good for us and everything seemed to be going according to plan. Around the end of September of 2009 I found out that I was pregnant. For some reason, this brought sheer fear and upset to me. I was home alone when I found out and all I could think about was how I was going to disappoint my family because I had yet again failed to conform to society's average 21 year old. I felt tons better though after I called JR to deliver the news. He was ecstatic and to my surprise, so was everyone else. Sadly, not long after having found out, a month to be exact, I miscarried. The baby had implanted on my cervix which would have ended up killing both the baby and myself had it went any further, urging my need for a D&C. I was a complete mess. All women handle these things differently; some well, some not. I was the latter part of that. I blamed myself for not having been excited at the very moment I found out. I felt that it was my fault because instead of jumping up and down with happiness, I fell to the floor wondering how on earth I would be able to do this at that particular time in my life. Now, I'm not at all writing this to be felt sorry for. I'm telling my story so that you will better understand my present decision-making.

As this happened, I was right in the middle of the fall semester. I ended up barely passing my classes and received an incomplete from a sweet and understanding professor for another class that I probably would have failed. I no longer worked at the daycare and no matter what I told myself or what other caring words I received from anyone else, nothing made me feel better. I was depressed. To me, I had lost a child that I didn't even get a chance to know. I kept searching for the reason it happened and finally came to the realization that God was trying to get my attention. No, He didn't "speak" to me, nor did I have a vision. I just knew that I had to sit down with my husband and really contemplate our future and reorganize our priorities. Were we just going along to please society and our family or were we doing things please our Heavenly Father? School was no longer my focus. I didn't have the drive that I once had. I felt like something was missing and I did everything I could to positively fill this void in my life. And 7 months later, I found it. I found what we needed..what I needed. And THIS time, we were BOTH jumping up and down screaming and crying. We were BOTH filled with the joy and excitement that anyone should have. We were pregnant...

I knew at that very moment what God had planned for me. He had my full attention the second time around. God was and still is at the center of my life. He is first and will remain there. And now, not only do I have an amazing husband but I also have the sweetest and most handsome baby boy that a mother could ask for. :)

Now remember, I've worked in a daycare, in the infant room to be exact. I know the truth about them and what goes on all day. I'm not by any means knocking daycares; I believe they are a good thing. They have many positive benefits for children and are there for parents who both work full-time jobs. BUT, after having been there and seen it first-hand I would not want my child in one, particularly an infant. Toddlers are a different story. They can talk to you and tell you what's going on, but that's a different story for a different post. They also cost an arm and a leg. If I were to work, I wouldn't get paid much because lest we forget that I have no college degree. It would take nearly my entire month's salary to afford gas for work and daycare. So that'd be like me going to work just to pay for someone else, that doesn't care near as much as I do, to raise my child. This is not the only reason I stay home. I have yet again been blessed enough that my husband has a well-paying job to support us all. I'm willing to, however, sacrifice having a huge house, and two nice fancy cars and all the name-brand mumbo-jumbo (although if you know me at all, then you know I would GLADLY take any of that mumbo-jumbo anyday ;) ) in order to be the one to get to be home with my baby. I don't have to worry about someone else hearing his first words or seeing those first steps. I get to and I wouldn't have it any other way.

With all of that being said, I can now touch base on the point of this post. SINCE I'm a stay-at-home mom, I MUST have nothing better to do than sit around on my tail all day. Clearly, I'm lazy because having to tend to a one year old is easy peasy. HA! Did I mention that I am also a full-time student? Yes, I'm still in college workin' away on that ol' Bachelor's Degree for what else? Oh yeah, to be a teacher. Did you know that their salary sucks and that I could be doing something way more life-changing than educating our future generations? Yep, I'm obviously dubious to these "facts". And one other thing I've failed to mention. I found this little thing...called, wait for it...a job. YES, I'll actually be doing something to contribute financially to my family. :-O Shocking, right? Because staying home and raising our baby while going to school isn't doing enough. Fortunately, it's a job created just for stay-at-home moms. I can make my own schedule and work as much or as little as I like. I'm now a jeweler for Premier Designs Jewelry Company. I also clean for our church on a weekly basis, with the help of my husband I might add and my momma who eagerly watches Madden for us. And, when I'm able (you know, when I'm not sitting around doing nothing) I help out my grandparents or other family that needs me. I enjoy that time too..so does Madden.

I don't know if you could read through any of that sarcasm or not (I'm really in that kind of a mood today), but I will tell you this. There are times when I curl up on the couch while my baby is taking a nap and all of my assignments are done and I've accomplished every thing that I needed too on that day (which is not very often) and I sleep...HARD. I too indulge in a nap. And if I had to choose between going to work full-time away from my baby or staying home doing what I do everyday, I'd choose the second. I wouldn't give anything in this world for the time that I have with Madden. Will I look back on my life and regret for one minute being able to stay at home with him? NO WAY. In fact, if given the opportunity, I want to be able to stay home with all of our children until the last one starts school. And then I'll go with them to teach. I'll still be on their schedule and have summers off with them. This is God's plan for me...I just KNOW it. I no longer question if what I'm doing with my life is what I should be doing. I've been given another amazing gift of being able to meet with 6 other women once a week for women's Bible study.It's such a blessing to be able to sit and talk with other women who do the same thing I do.

This point of this post isn't to belittle working moms either. I remember a few single moms from the daycare that also worked and went to school. I can't imagine that being easy. I give major praise to the moms/dads that do work full-time jobs and come home to tend to their babies. I just want it to be known that being a stay-at-home mom isn't easy either. And it may not be as financially rewarding as a day job, but I know for a fact that it brings every other reward possible. :)

So there you have it..just my take on being a stay-at-home mom/student/jeweler/helper.

But then again, maybe everyone is right...I did have the time to sit and write this blog. ;)